Hard, Hard Work

            I’m stumped.  Not by a plot problem – although I had a hefty one until yesterday – but boggled by the enormity of the book I’m writing.  By remembering each viewpoint character’s separate and overlapping plotline, not to mention the secrets I want embedded in this book.  Writing in first person was so simple -- this multi-stuff is exhausting.  Then I worry that I don’t have enough importance in my book.  And emotion and loss and fear and happy moments and on and on. 
            I recall the constant, personal urgings of an old teacher, and know that I haven’t pushed parts of this story as far as they will go.  If he were standing, looking over my shoulder, he’d be saying, “Carolyn, Carolyn.  Write bigger.  Write BIGGER!”
           *Sigh*.  My outline feels all over the place – reworked a hundred time, highlighted, stapled, spindled, folded and mutilated.  Today I can blame my not-wanting-to on sore eyes – they’re sensitive to light.  Yesterday, I was busy with a luncheon and teaching.  The day before that….
          A week ago, I can’t tell you the obstacles!
          So here’s what to do.  I guess.  “Self,” I say.  “Go to the chapter you’re working on.  And finish it.  It’s a humdinger, you know it is.  Then listen to where that chapter takes you.  If it’s on the outline map, write it.  If not – does it need to be?”
          One step at a time might save me today.
           I just want all the other writers in this world to know – you’re not alone.